I can never understand why and how would someone be egoistic. You know, especially watching all those romantic movies, it gets into you. They made you believe that your boyfriend or husband or soulmate is going to be so madly in love with you, so romantic and etc. You will never expect egoism in your other half or even yourself. But then sometime things happen and it hits you! EGOISTIC!
Well, it hits me today. Not in someone else, but found it in myself. I always thought that I'm a pretty good, caring, loving person but then I realized that's not true. First of all, I don't understand how people can get so worked out or pissed off by someone else, it only make themselves miserable, so I don't do that, I forgive people easily because I don't want to make myself miserable. To be exact, I forgive others not because I sympathy with them when I actually really don't care how they feel as long as I am happy myself.
Secondly, people have sleepless night when they are utterly concern with things or people in their life. But it never happen to me. No matter how upset or angry or happy I am, I have no problem sleep through the night. I just feel like no one or nothing should get in my way of my sleep. WHOA. how egoistic is that!
So when it comes to loving another person, I expect him to love me more, only cling to him when I feel like to, ignore him when he needs me. GOSH! Not that I am afraid of commitment or attachment, I love myself too much. I like to find shortcoming in guys and dump them. Outwardly I may seen like a really nice person but I am totally doing things for my own pleasure. I hurt others to protect myself.
I guess if I end up forever alone, its not a big deal since now I know why. Well, maybe one day when I found someone I love more than I love myself, everything might change. For now, I think I better off single.
Well, it hits me today. Not in someone else, but found it in myself. I always thought that I'm a pretty good, caring, loving person but then I realized that's not true. First of all, I don't understand how people can get so worked out or pissed off by someone else, it only make themselves miserable, so I don't do that, I forgive people easily because I don't want to make myself miserable. To be exact, I forgive others not because I sympathy with them when I actually really don't care how they feel as long as I am happy myself.
Secondly, people have sleepless night when they are utterly concern with things or people in their life. But it never happen to me. No matter how upset or angry or happy I am, I have no problem sleep through the night. I just feel like no one or nothing should get in my way of my sleep. WHOA. how egoistic is that!
So when it comes to loving another person, I expect him to love me more, only cling to him when I feel like to, ignore him when he needs me. GOSH! Not that I am afraid of commitment or attachment, I love myself too much. I like to find shortcoming in guys and dump them. Outwardly I may seen like a really nice person but I am totally doing things for my own pleasure. I hurt others to protect myself.
I guess if I end up forever alone, its not a big deal since now I know why. Well, maybe one day when I found someone I love more than I love myself, everything might change. For now, I think I better off single.
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