Crazy impulsive decision

Remember previous post I said I want to buy a camera? Well, when I was at the shop, the saleguy was a malaysian so we started talking and then his colleague interrupted us with iPhone 4S. So I was being curious and asked the price of the new iPhone and he told me they still have iPhone 4 and would give me a great deal if I want it. Ooh I bet you know where this post is heading to! This is a long story because the money and the iPhone so I'm gonna cut it short and say it!

Yes! I own an IPhone4 now! 32GB and white in color.

Must be wondering why I would pay for iphone4 instead of 4S. There isn't much price different between them, maybe 400 bucks. I don't know, I been thinking but I don't feel like I want Siri. I mean it's cool that you can talk to your phone but why do you want to do that? I look at myself and I think I have a better life. Surely I'm lazy but having a Siri will definitely make me lazier so to save myself from getting worst, I chose iPhone4.

Well, of coz I got told off by my aunt for spending so much money on it when I can get much cheaper in Singapore! But there isn't anything much she can do! Although I do feel a little guilty, I used my hard earned money to buy this. At last I have something that I bought for myself without asking anything from my family.

I seriously have no idea how my parents will react when they find out. I planned not to let anyone in my family to know but how on earth can I hide the excitement of having an iPhone?!

Funny how I have money for iPhone but I was asking for money to buy a camera. Don't get me wrong, thats coz I used the saving money which I'm not supposed to use. Oh. I'm so bad in saving money! I'm so glad I'll still be working at chopsticks for the whole December, hopefully I can earn the money back, but then I bet I will use them when I go to Taiwan.

Now I understand why people always can't stop earning money!

I'm updating my blog on my iPhone! How cool! Lol! I'm leaving tomorrow to go on a trip for two weeks, will blog about it when I come back.

I'm a happy baby with an iPad2 and iPhone4~

11.11.11

OMG, four minutes before today ends! I'm gonna post this~~~~~~~~

Regardless how short it is, I must not miss this very significant day although I don't know what it is significant for! hahaha.

I'm on Holiday now! THREE MONTHS! woooohoooooo~

I'm going shopping tomorrow. Thinking of buying a new camera but I don't have enough money.... Maybe I can borrow it from someone else... Anyone volunteer to lend me some????? <3

new crush~~~

He is so cute, don't you think so??

Stress talking

So, as you all know, it is the dreadful final exam period again! Hooray! I'm being sarcastic okay! That explained the hibernation of my lovely blog.

Where do I start... Ok, let's just get the complaints about final exam out of the way first. I have four final exams, 27th, 28th, 7th and 8th. I was quite worried for the 27th, brain and cognition, all the brain parts and its functions in human cognition, gosh so complicated and so many names and technical terms but I managed to actually covered all of the lectures and understood 90% of them, well I assumed 90 so the exam went well.

I was very confident with the 28th's, it is abnormal psychology. To be honest, I found the lectures quite boring so I stopped turning up for lectures, I'm not sure if I regret it though coz apparently the exam essay question that I screwed up, it wasn't covered in the lectures but was pulled out from the textbook which I totally forgot to read. So obviously I didn't fully study for abnormal and I totally screwed up the exam. Wanna know how? Allows me to amuse you! I write the symptoms of psychopathy based on my 'knowledge' obtained from watching the Mentalist and Criminal Minds. FML! I'm so dead!!!!! OMG! what the heck is wrong with me?!! I must not repeat the same mistake ever again. Yeah right, I know this is the worst habit of mine and I'll never change until one day it really actually breaks me and I really hope that day will not come. Am I making sense to you? No? Nevermind then.

And guess what, I watch desperate housewives when I'm studying! Oh F! I'm playing with fire, on the edge of throwing my bright future away. I don't want to boast but everything always (ALWAYS) turns out fine. I really can't imagine how I'm gonna cope if this really really goes wrong. depression? self-inflicted harm? antisocial? suicidal thoughts?

After exam, I went to play badminton, I was in pretty good condition. I'm not sure if my friends were being nice or I'm actually pretty good. LOL. But badminton really took my mind of the awful exam things. I'm so gonna get sore arm tomorrow! Have to pay the price for not exercising regularly.

Tomorrow morning, my korean friend's church is having a garage sale, I want to go but I have a picnic to go at 10am... that means I need to get up at 9pm!

Oh I been thinking.... I FREAKING WANT A BABY! I'm well aware this is stressed talking so please don't take this too seriously. But yes I want a baby, baby is so cute, they smile like an angel and they are gift from God. I think you think I'm losing my mind... better not make things worse, so I'm gonna stop here. I WANT BABY!

minor depression or pure laziness?

Okay, now I'm not sure which one makes me feel better.

I been sleeping for long hours for weeks. I have lost interest in psychology and mathematics. I also lost my appetite of eating. Although I am excited to see food most of the time, I only have one meal a day and surprisingly I am happy with that and do not complain that I am hungry later on the day. I can't sleep at night and don't want to wake up in the morning. I get irritated easily. I don't feel like talking to people. I been having my music on really loud in my earphone and sad songs actually soothed me. I been having dreams every night and mostly were unpleasant dream. I think of alcohol almost everyday.

Do all these sound like a mild depression symptoms to you? But wait, there are more.

I got up around 11pm, I still go to the compulsory lab at night, I walked there (oddly). I haven't been to lectures for weeks now. hmm. I actually feel like want to eat burger today and I'm meeting up a friend. I enjoyed night out with my friend last Saturday, Korean church thing and Movie! I also had fun at karaoke with chopsticks chefs though I was the only girl and I didn't drink this time. I'm actually looking forward to go on my backpacking trip to North Island and going back to Malaysia and go on Taiwan trip. I really want to go clubbing to shake off that extra layer of fat. So it seems like I enjoy everything beside study and eating?

Now these sound like laziness to me. What do you say?

I beg you, whoever who is with me and see me, please give me a slap in the face as hard as you can. I give you the permission, I'm not kidding. I really don't want to screw up my life and my future.

Right now I'm starting to get motivated to study. Should really start before it's too late.

Happy Birthday to My love

Hilda my dear, I did not forget your birthday, your birthday was in my head all day long, how annoying. LOL. But I couldn't think of a way to wish you so I can stand out from the crowd.

Regardless of the physical distance between us, you are always close to me, supporting me and cheering me. No one can do better than you. Since who knows when, I started to need you more than you need me.

Hey hey, let's not make this post depressing. I bet you had a great birthday celebration together with your love one! So I should just save my breath and wish you :

Happy Birthday 

Always happy and lovey-dovey
Healthy and successful in your study
Don't forget the Lord is watching over you!
And I always Love you, you're my spoiled little ***** forever. 

Teenage Dream

Do you have a song that you can keep listen to it and never get sick of it?
I have one, Teenage Dream by Katy Perry.
Why? Maybe I miss my teenage life in Malaysia and Qatar. Times to times I really wish I have that one person who love me for me.

 

You think I'm pretty without any make-up on

You think I'm funny when I tell the punch line wrong

I know you get me, so I let my walls come down, down

Before you met me, I was a wreck

But things were kinda heavy, you brought me to life

Now every February you'll be my valentine, valentine

Let's go all the way tonight

No regrets, just love

We can dance until we die

You and I, we'll be young forever

You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream

The way you turn me on, I can't sleep

Let's runaway and don't ever look back

Don't ever look back

My heart stops when you look at me

Just one touch, now baby I believe

This is real, so take a chance

And don't ever look back, don't ever look back

We drove to Cali and got drunk on the beach

Got a motel and built a floor out of sheets

I finally found you, my missing puzzle piece

I'm complete

Let's go all the way tonight

No regrets, just love

We can dance until we die

You and I, we'll be young forever

You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream

The way you turn me on, I can't sleep

Let's runaway and don't ever look back

Don't ever look back

My heart stops when you look at me

Just one touch, now baby I believe

This is real, so take a chance

And don't ever look back, don't ever look back

I'ma get your heart racing in my skin-tight jeans

Be your teenage dream tonight

Let you put your hands on me in my skin-tight jeans

Be your teenage dream tonight

First and last?

I am indeed procrastinating to the max. Got fed up refreshing facebook page so here I am.

Had a night out last night. First, went to Indian Cultural Night at Regent theater. The theater is so high class! Oh dang, forgot to take a photo. That's the place the uni uses for graduations. hmmm... I got myself invited to watch Russian Ballerina in November by offering companionship to a friend. The ticket, according to him, is 80 dollars for one... Let's see if he was being serious or not...

The night continued at Momo karaoke lounge with my chopsticks colleagues. Started off with a bit awkward coz it was supposed to be a catch up session between a few of us and the chefs from chopsticks. To be honest, most like a drink up session because the chefs always buy us drinks and likes to get us drunk. Anyway, it turned into a chopsticks event, all the staffs were invited... Well, I knew everyone and as soon as I started drinking, everything became fine fun. At first I was singing and others were drinking, but then they left coz they were tipsy and tired. So I became the target....

We were drinking whiskey with ice tea but it slowly became pure whiskey, it was so strong, I clenched everytime I drink it. I think I drank too fast, I was feeling okay one second, the next second I was running to the toilet and started vomiting. Apparently I was very "friendly" (I'm not being informed by the detail and degree of friendliness coz the chefs and my manager decided to be evil so that they can tease me about it for a longer period) and it was really funny when I was drunk which I have no memory of. I seriously thought I remembered everything. I vomited again so I was sent home by my manager and a friend, vomited a little more before I was tucked into bed.

But what was impressive was that I managed to get up before 8am to get ready for church meeting... I couldn't even wake up this early for lectures during weekdays...

Wondering why I'm writing this out? Coz I don't want my parents to find out that I drink and accuse me that I hide about it. I do not hide this, it's just that they don't read my blog which its link is posted on facebook. They need to take this initiative if they want to know more about their daughter. I really don't want to hide secrets from them and have a secret life, that's too tiring but I couldn't bring myself to tell them. So blogging it out is the best way.

Anyway, all in all, I had accomplished the mission to find out how/what do I do when I am drunk and a taste of being drunken uni student, so I guess this will be the last time I get drunk? Probably last coz now I know I need to let the alcohol to sink in before I drink more. I'll have more self control next time. 

New things I had

iPad 2, I got it from my aunty for my 21st birthday present which is next year which mean I won't get anymore expensive present next year. LOL.

O.P.I nail Lacquer, the pharmacy is promoting it, buy two free one, so I got the base coat, A grape fit (purple) and turquoise shatter. The Nantucket mist (pink) was given from my friend last year. Yes I am expanding my O.P.I collection! =)

As for the Patrick, its not new, but I just think that it looks nice in the photo. Oh and I want to make the person who gave the Patrick to me jealous. ;]

The best night 2011

So last night was my friends' 21st birthday at a bar. Before that I went to a friend's graduation dinner, had so much, so bloated. Then we stopped by yuki to have some drinks, hot sake and umeshu~ My face was already red after that two drinks.

Got to the bar, not many people there yet so just hang around talking to people. Pressured by two friends to get a drink, raspberry vodka cuiser. Talked a little then I got a free drink from a friend, blue coloured midori sprite I think, not so sure since I wasn't paying for it. Few more talking and meeting people and sipping other people alcoholic drinks, 5 shots in one, melon midori.... I'm trying to recall the sequence of the events since I was a bit out of it...

I think, another friend got me a drink too, tequila sunrise. Omg, it was so strong! I was holding my vodka cuiser on one hand too. LOL. what an alcoholic. I mixed them two together, they actually tasted alright! Then we started dancing, yeah I was tipsy and high so I don't want to write down my opinions here, they can be very wrong from the real situation. Dancing to this guy who is a friend of the birthday girl. She seems very happy that I was dancing with him. Or maybe she was high too. He bought me a drink too, vodka with red bull, it just tasted like red bull.Oh... I think my friend who bought the midori also bought another drink for me, it tasted just like coke so I'm not sure if there was alcohol in it. lol

Went back dancing but then this guy had more friends coming so he gradually disappeared into the dancing crowd. So there was another friend, last night was the second time I met him, so we were dancing together. French kisses happened. Ok, I was definitely drunk. He bought me a bottle of heineken. I couldn't drink anymore coz I felt I was going to puke if I finish the whole bottle. We left to another bar, danced for another one and a half hour maybe and a few more snogging. No phone number was given or obtained which was good coz that's how thing should be.

To conclude the night, it was awesome but now to think about it, what was wrong with me?! Desperate much????? I'm still waiting for the photo.

And again.

An immature love says I love you because I need you, but a mature love says I need you because I love you.

Never thought that the name of my blog reflected who I am without me realizing it. And yet I admit that my love is immature, selfish and all over the place. I always believe that sometimes it is better to be alone, no emotional attachment; no one can hurt me that way. And when I do have someone, I will always make sure I have an out, a exit strategy to make sure I don't get hurt; I walk away before they can walk away from me. 

The hardest thing about growing up is that you have to do what is right for you even if it means breaking someone's heart, including your own.

Today was just one of those days where everything I did reminded me of you and every song I heard somehow related to you. I hate days like today, because they remind me of the one thing I don't have; that one thing I can have but I am too scare to have it. There is nothing scarier than getting what I want, cause that's when I really have something to lose. This is why I rather to have nothing to begin with. 

I hate missing you, but I love having you to miss.

You picked the best time to do this to me

Feeling a bit emo these days, due to a few unpleasant events:

1. My only math paper, I really dislike the lecturer, he reads the material from the textbook in the lectures so I stopped going to the lectures and he makes us do 2 math assignments in a week. *Tortured* 
2. My special third year psyc paper, I am a bit behind since it covers the material which I am still learning in second year paper but I have a 40 multiple choices questions test on this coming Monday which is 25% of my grade. *Brain burst*
3. My another second psyc paper, I have a 12% article review due on this coming Tuesday and I still haven't started reading the article that I'm going to review. *Screwed*
4. My room, it is in a mess, dirty clothes piled up in one corner, clean clothes piled up in another corner, shoes are all over the place and so are my puffy jackets, don't forget all my junk food. *Messed up*
5. My money, I haven't been cooking at home so been eating out, spending all my money on food, money which I should put into my saving account and now I don't even know where I spent it and I started thinking what to buy after I get my pay next week. *Broke*
6. My fat, looking in the mirror, all the flab, I feel so lazy, slow and greasy. Only time I'm happy looking at myself are either looking at my shadow or look in the mirror without my glasses. *Disgusted*
7. My one of the best friends, he decided to keep a distance from me, I have no idea why he did what he did, not sure what will happen to us since I was sort of dependent on him from times to times. *Miserable*
8. My church blending trip, there is one hiking trip this Saturday but due to all of the events above, I refrained myself from going and confining myself in my room to study hard out is going to make me really depressed. *Pathetic*
9. My sleeping habit, I sleeps late at night, wakes up at 7 in the morning to pray over the phone with a friend, goes back to sleep (except Mon & Tue) and wakes up again at 10am and sleeps through most of my lectures and almost doze off in my laboratory. *Hopeless*
10. My social life, to be honest, my social partners are Toshiba laptop, Sony Ericsson mobile phone, Apple iPod nano and my bed. All my friends are either busy, timetable clash, broke or awkward. And to make things worse I forced myself to come up with this 10th event just so it looks prettier, you know, whole number. *What the Fxck*

Sorry for posting such an emo post. I will try to find something happier next time but for now, please bear with me, it's my depressing episode. And it's still winter, the season of highest suicidal rate.

Special experience

Great day, Dunedin snowed! Let me tell you the story of the 'coolest' day ever (more like coldest day).

The day began with me going to church meeting. I had to leave home earlier because my flat-mate needed to take friends to airport, so I happily dolled up, put on my high heels (toes exposing) and went out.

Before I got in the car, it started to snow, I hesitated for a second if I should go back and change my shoes but I decided it can't be that cold so I sticked to pretty high heels. Throughout the church meeting, the snow, the hailing, the rain were amazing to watch!!! I was so excited to walk and play in the snow! Everything was white, so pretty!

Ok, now time to go home, got in the car, my flat-mate was a bit worried but the passengers including myself was excited to see how the town will looked like, coated with white snow as we all didn't realised we will need to drive up and down the hilly road to get back in town. So when we got to the up hill, our car stuck half way, not enough friction to go up. We waited and here came a good man, tolled our car up the hill and warned us not to go down the hill as it can be extremely dangerous.

Initially we wanted just stay in the car and wait for another friend who has chains on his car's tyres to rescue us. Unluckily, another church friend got into an accident with another two cars while going down the hill so he has to be rescued first. We couldn't wait anymore, it was freezing so everyone decided to walk back to town and that's when I realised I made a really bad choice for shoes today. So I got a friend to stay back with me, I put out my hand with my thumb up, hoping to get a ride from some stranger.

It was comforting to know there were many nice people in Dunedin, this man came along and gave us a ride to the main street (but still on the hill as he is not going to town) and saved me 12~15 minutes of walking in the snow in bare feet (high heels with toes exposing was as good as bare feet). So we got off his car and got no choice and started walking and putting my hand out again. Some cars past by waving and smiling to us, how considerate! But another driver showed his kindness after we been walking for 10 minutes and we hopped on and got to the town and we went to chopsticks straight away to have a hot pot to warm ourselves up.

I was supposed to work at chopsticks today so I will need to change to sneakers but I was too lazy to go home to change my shoes so I went to buy a 20dollars new shoes. Went to friends' house and made snowmen in front of their house. Suddenly my boss called saying that they are closing earlier today so I don't have to come in to work! Oh damn! But Hooray! It was cold yet fun. We also went to a carpark and made a snow-angel. =) Spent the rest of the day with friends talking and singing and cuddling~

I hope it will snow very heavily tomorrow that Uni have to cancel all the classes! Teeheeee!

One of my very first

My very first appearance on tv. Well, not exactly the tv tv, but there were cameraman and an assistant. It was on Monday, I was walking to this famous burger place to buy burger and sneak it into the cinema. The burgers are really nice, most people come here to eat the burgers! The price is okay-ish, ranged from $9.9 to $16. Well well, lucky me, they were doing the sensing burger thing which we simply eat a burger and guess what burger is it (they gave us three choices) and if guessed right, keep the burger and $25 voucher; if wrong, keep the burger! So as asian as I am, I took the challenge...

Oh damn, I can't post the video here so I will just share the link. The Velvet burger!  If you can't watch the video, you still can find it on my facebook profile page. Do leave a comment! =)

ps. I am so excited to watch the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallow part 2 tomorrow!

Lemon Detox

Seriously, what got into me that I decided to go on detox?! Didn't knew it gonna be so hard! For the past weeks, I lost my appetite but I still eat a lot and did no exercise so I felt bloated all the time. And people keep telling me that I need to eat vegie, be healthy etc. So I bought $105 of lemon detox to kick start the change of my lifestyle. If you never heard about lemon detox, here's the website => Lemon detox

I'm doing the full cleanse program that I'm not allowed any solid food. All I can have are 1 litre of sea salt water in the morning, all day the lemon+real maple syrup+cayenne pepper drink and a glass of laxative herbal tea before bed. So yesterday was the first day and I already feel that I regained my appetite. Every single food seems so appetizing that I really wanted to eat them. Oh man, I want chocolate, cookies and many more!

In the morning, after the 1 litre of sea salt water, I go to toilet every 5 minutes. How amazing and nasty lol. But it seems to work so far (today's only 2nd day)

So congratulation to my brother, he has been in a relationship with his gf for a year now. I'm really happy for him and ashamed of myself. Duration of all my relationships add together is shorter than my brother's very first relationship. Luckily he didn't take me as his role model. hahaha

I'm so broke right now because of the detox thing. But I will go get a present for you, Hilda Teo, as soon as I get my work payment. =)

Argh, there is a pack of triple chocolate cookies sitting on the dining table, I really want to eat it!

Life's good

I think the title of my blog is a bit irony since right now I still have 2 more exams to sit while almost everyone else had already finished theirs. The reason I said life is good because I didn't feel stressed at all. I feel peaceful although I'm cramming my butt off. Oh I need to go poop. To be continued.... hah, took me less than 2 minutes! I really don't understand why people keeps telling me to eat vegies when I have regular and good bowel movement. A bit too much information, I assumed?

Ok, back to my life. I did my statistic exam two days ago. OH WAIT, today is Friday, so the exam was yesterday. It was alright, a few careless mistakes, hopefully my lecturer will be nice and won't take too many marks off so I still can scrap an A.

Something I really looking forward to is the QUEENSTOWN trip next weekend! I hope it snows so I can build snowman and igloo.

One more thing, last week was Jenny's (my flatmate) birthday and her parents came the week before to celebrate. I made a Tiramisu cake! It was so yummy that I can finish the whole thing by myself but I refrained myself from doing so. OH DAMN IT, I forgot to take a photo of it! I like how the taste of Rum and Coffee and Chocolate cake and Mascarpone cheese put together, great, I want one right now!

A small 'bad' part of my life is that I was sick, I caught a cold and I couldn't work last Saturday (lost $60 income). Tuesday I sound like a she-male, I lost my voice and I didn't want to embarrass myself in front of many customers so I cancelled my shift on Wednesday (lost another $36). Oh my goodness, I lost about $100 of extra pocket money just because of the cold! oh well, at least I used those days to study (this made me felt much much better!) I just realised the difference between cold and flu. hahaha

So right now I just finished my lunch and I need to go back to study psychology, Oh OH oH! My aunt sent me the 'magic box'. I called it a 'magic box' coz it has everything I need/want from Malaysia, including love-letters from Hilda Teo! It arrived yesterday but I wasn't at home so they left a card to tell me to collect it from somewhere far far away (I walk most of the time so even it is not so far geographic wise, it is very far for me).

I think I been jumping from points to points so please forgive me if I lose you somewhere but I do hope you find your way back. =) 

****edited****
The courier just delivered the magic box to me! OMG, I love getting packages, especially those from the one I love. Oh Hilda, you surprised me and really warmed my heart seeing all those paper hearts in the box. I seriously do not think I can find any guy who love me as much as you do. Thank you sweetie!

pre exam excitements

Did I tell you that I am the class representative for my statistic paper? Oh well, yes I am one. So I got to go to this class rep function. It was a disappointment. It said it will be food but all we got was like 8 pizzas for like 50 of us and it was hell yeah not enough. But we got a free drink, a choice of beer, wine, soft drinks. I got beer and my face was so red from only one beer. LOL Anyway, I went to the function mainly for the 150 bucks lucky draw and obviously I didn't get it. DUH! So me and my friend left earlier to get more food but we got attracted to the big board of the names of the student presidents of past years. and look what we found!

 1960-61 J.C. Cullen. Me and my friend agreed that he must be Jasper Cullen, (personally I think he is quite cute). I don't think I need to elaborate who is Jasper Cullen, do I? =) and my friend said he is right now working at USA.

So I been sleeping most of the days. well, 11~12 hours a day and woke up late and didn't go to my lectures for the past week. Yes I felt really bad but I'm just at the usual running away from reality phase. Hopefully I will be able to face the cruel reality of examinations real soon.

I think I am really stuck in chopsticks. It is really a fire-pit. Once you jumped in, you are destined to be burned. I been working there for about 2 months and 3 weeks and the boss already gave me a gift for being a hardworking and efficient worker. TADAAAAAAAA!

The chocolate box is bigger than my laptop's keyboard. It is made in UK apparently, how cool! Anyhow, I'm a happy worker~ 

Okay, time to sleep! No no, I want to finish my movie. Wild Hogs, it been sitting in my hard drive for a year now and I really need to clear up more memory space for newer movies. =) 

Everyone, have fun doing whatever you are doing. Love you all~

Time of the semester

Final exam is in two weeks time and almost everyone is procrastinating. I wonder why the skill of procrastinating is present in us. According to evolution theory, we are most likely to preserve the skills that keep us alive and I seriously doubt procrastinating is one of them but yet everyone is very good in it.

In my case, I tend to use facebook as a tool of my procrastination but it always make me feel really bad. So today I turned to doing housework, oh yeah, it made me feel so good that I cleaned the house and the guilt of not studying was minimum. But right now, writing this blog make the guilt slowly creeping up. OH DAMN IT!

I been sleeping in my psychology lectures. This is really bad and I mean it. See, I learn by listening. The percentage of I knowing something is far higher when I listen to it than I study it. So FML.

One more thing! WHERE ARE MY MONEYS?! I have a part time job yet I still seem to be broke most of the time. Where have my money gone to? It doesn't make sense! Now I understand why adult always say they don't have enough money when in fact they are earning quite a bit! Oh great, I just lost 10 dollars. A guy rang my door bell and asked for donation, he is doing 40 Hour famine (not eating for 40 hours). I was impressed and on the same time he's quite cute so I gave him 10 bucks! I sound so desperate! >.<

ARGH, the surprise I sent to my parents for his birthday & her mother's day did not get to them. It's missing right now! Why is this happening to me?! Now I have more things to do!!!!

My parents asked me if I wanna go back to Doha end of the year. They say if I want to, I have to go back by 5 November and that time is still my exam period. And my church leader asked me if I wanna join the Taiwan trip in January. And yesterday I found out I can apply to do a summer internship for psychology research lab! Also I told chopsticks boss I will stick around here during summer holiday. OH WHAT?!

Alcoholicsm is my wish

Oh no, don't get me wrong. I don't think there's a good reason to be an alcoholic but I want to be one right now coz I'm freezing and I really want to have some something down my throat that can warm me up instantly, both inwardly and outwardly so I can move my stiff fingers and stop getting pins and needles on my legs from sitting in a really awkward position, miserably trying to make myself less expose to the coldness, and thanks to my brain-freeze, all I can think of is Alcohol. If only I'm an alcoholic, I will be out all night partying and clubbing, without having to worry for my electric bill if I turn my heater on 24/7 and I get to lose weight either by puking or dancing.

On another note, I been having really good days especially from working at the restaurant. Firstly, my boss thought that I got better which means acceptance and recognition for my hard-works. Secondly, a customer said to me, he thinks the boss has better taste this year as the girls working this year are prettier! Thirdly, the chefs really like me, they bully me sometimes but they always help me when I have to dig out the chicken bones or pouring hot soups and sometimes when I make a mistake, they asked for a fly-kiss and forgive me straight away! Fourthly, I been getting some male attentions, it wasn't sexual or emotional but guys been talking and smiling to me (not the normal customer to waitress smile though). Fifthly I got my pay and I opened a saving accounts so here come my first serious saving!

Well, there's always a dark side, I been procrastinating. I have two homework assignments due this coming week, another one and a research proposal and a mid term test the week after and my 1 week holiday is coming to an end! Oh shit, what have I been doing for the past 6 days?! sleep, eat, watch, facebook, work, and I didn't even do my cleaning duty for so long now, I feel really bad for my flatmate as she has a lazy ass flatmate, ME!

Overall, my holiday turned out funner than I expected. I love you all and thanks for all the hugs!

Hugs!

I'm in need of a real hug right now. Someone please hug me tight and tell me I'm not alone and I had made the right decision.

Philophobia is the fear of emotional attachment; fear of being in, or falling in love

What do you think how I feel? I study psychology and through it, I realized I have a psychological disorder. 

Yes, I diagnosed myself as having mild philophobia. I am just afraid of emotional attachment from the male species. There is this human who is my friend and we have been in the blurry realm for years. I am happy with that until recently he is getting a tad bit too attached to me, at least that's what I feel. Then I started to have the urge to push him away. This is not the first time. I been pushing him away whenever we are slowly stepping out from the blurry zone. And probably this phobia is also responsible for my many short relationships. In the past, I never failed to find a lame excuse to breakup with a guy and I didn't feel heartbroken at all! Not once at all! Yeah, I know I showed sadness to some of you after a breakup but to be honest, it was just my act of making myself to believe I am not that cold-blooded. Only things I felt were that I lost something I really like but on the same time relieved and also slight guilt to the God. I know myself, whenever I got someone I like or went out with someone, I started to look out for flaws in them, even if I really liked them and I can't find any flaws in them, I created them. Whenever someone try to tell me he loves me, I will think of a way to prove that they do not. I been telling friends that I don't want to have serious relationships, prefer flings and my dream is to be like Barney but female version.

Oh my god, I think I have more than just mild philophobia, my conditions are really bad!

Maybe I should consider getting a professional help from a trained psychologist

Good news!

Firstly, I got the part time waitress job in Chopsticks101. So far it was crazy coz I work during lunch time, I just run in and out, cleaning up table, serving the food and making the bubble tea! Yes, I know how to make bubble tea now! Amazing yeh? I think my boss likes me coz I'm getting extra shift, just after my 2nd shift. I know I'm cool and totally worth hiring me!

Secondly, I went to optometrist today, my eye sight got worse, from +3.75 to +4.75 (R) and +3.00 to 3.50 (L). Scary increase for my right eye. It costs me NZ$469, luckily my international student insurance covers the optical treatment, well only S300. OH, the eye test they do to check our eye sight power is more complicated and cool in a way. My new glasses frame is dark purple-pink-ish. I will lose my 'pink glasses girl' trademark! NOOOOOOO!

One more thing, my psychology lab demonstrator is a British guy and I'm loving his accent. But he's gay, he wears real tight shirt that shows his nipple mark and skinnier jeans than me!. LOL He made my day! I'm definitely looking forward to my lab now!

This weekend, I'm going to Oamaru with my flatmate to visit her parents. Then we will go to Timaru for the South Island combined Lord's Table meeting! Sound fun, isn't it? Oh yeah, hopefully I can get some fish. I'm fish deprived these days. hahaahahaha!

okay, I got to go, got invited to dinner! woohoo!

hmmm... this is not a good news but YAY I'M BROKE! lol

Fire-pit

I went to Chopstick 101 to ask about part time job yesterday, went in to give my resume today and going to work there for 1 and a half hour for evaluation tomorrow. I seriously did not think things will go this fast! I am not ready, what the heck, I am having butterflies in my stomach now and I'm just writing about it!

Yes I got what I want but I am not ready! OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG. This is the first official part time job of my life! and guess what I need to get an income tax account which requires my passport but my passport is at the student visa office right now so I can't apply it now and it will takes 8 to 10 days to get the account after I lodge in my application and what if because I don't have the account and lose the job? OMG that's one long sentence! But you get my point! I am panicking and shaking!

Seriously, what is there to trigger a panic attack?? It's just a waitress job! I can't believe this! This is worse than getting a new bf! Someone please give me a tranquillizer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Money Money Money!

It's the third day of my 2nd year and I am feeling really bored! Oh my god, seriously, I don't know what to do with so much free time. I want a part time job. Not only I need the job to un-bored me, I really need the money too.

I need the money for:

1. Teeth crowning
2. iPhone & Macbook
3. Better food
4. New Clothes & Bags
5. Traveling (Taiwan, Korea, Japan, London, Paris etc)
6. Birthday presents for friends and family
7. Ice creams
8. Shuttle services
9. Sweat glands removal surgery
10. ...and many more which I can't think of right now..

I am desperate but not desperate enough to go to the Chopstick 101. But I can see myself working there. How I wish I can grow a money tree or have money falls from the sky to me or a magic pot that gives out unlimited money or win the 12.5 millions lotto! Sweet dreams!

Today in the lecture, someone came in and talked about student exchange, I really want to do it but looking at all the procedures, oh my, *faints*. seriously Cathy Ng, can you be more lazy than this?!

Earthquake

Most of you should have heard about the earthquake by now.

Firstly, don't worry, I am fine. The earthquake did not affect where I'm at. I felt the earthquake, my room and stuff were shaking. I thought it was just another earthquake so I was like oh yeah. But turned out it was bad, real bad this time.


Maybe I didn't grow up in this country, I didn't feel sad or bad. I seem a bit cold blooded, right? I felt like it was just another natural disaster that we can't run away from. Christchurch was lucky last year as the first earthquake stroked, it was 4am so no one die. But this time it happened in the afternoon when everyone is working in the buildings. When the time is up, you just have to go, even if you will hurt people around you.


Yes, I am cold this way. But one thing I'm really sad is the kids, dead, or alive, the orphanages. I wanted to be a child psychologist because I felt so useless when I was watching the 'healing' tv programme of China's 512 earthquake, well, the traumatized  kids parts.

Anyway. let's just pray that the death toll won't rise anymore.

Fab Feb No?

One more week til I start second year. For now I'm staying at home most of the time. Kinda getting depressed. well, I just found out someone really important of mine is in a relationship for half year now. I feel so ashamed of myself, I never maintain my relationships more than two months. Oh no, Cathy is missing guys' attentions! LOL

Anyway, since I got back in Dunedin, I been spending money! I have no idea what I spent them on! I want unlimited money in my bank account! hahahahahah a dream that everyone has and will never come true.

Oh and I want baby! I saw a few babies/kids in my holidays, they were so cute!! blue eyes, tiny feet and hands, cutest smile and purest heart. I want a baby of my own. opps, I'll need one more pair of DNA. I don't think its called a PAIR of DNA, I seriously need to start studying or my brain cells are dying slowly for not being used for more than 3 months.

See, I need to pay for my student visa application, textbooks and dinner tomorrow...more money going out and none coming in. My job applications, one had rejected me, 2 left. Now I'm starting to think if I should really get a job...I mean I'm freaking lazy...

Oh well We'll see how things go from here. I miss my friends.

Hello 2011

Hi everyone! I bet you all missed me just like I missed every one of you! It’s 2011! Can you believe it?! And guess what, it is resolution time again! But I’m sick of thinking of resolution every new year and feel like a loser at the end of every year. So this year I’m going to do something different.

I will be dedicating songs to important people in my twenty years of life. I do not assign the songs. They are just the songs that never fail to remind me of that particular person(s).

To, Colin

Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney

My dear brother, whenever this song comes up, your image pop up in my head! I guess it is because it was the first non-Disney song that you said you like it, well, in my memory. Funnily that time I was into Jesse so I was really surprised!

I hope 2011 will be a great year for you, in your study, love, friends and health. Just want to say, you are a good brother.

To, Isaac, Joshua & Kevin

Axel F by Crazy Frog

This song reminds me of my cousins. Although I do not always listen to it, sometimes it just happen to be playing on my iPod. This song was in the movie “Monsters Vs Alien” and my cousins laughed so much at it that I can’t help but started laughing.

So in this whole new 2011, I wish they will grow up healthily and happily and enjoy their precious childhood.

To, Hilda

Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne

Lollipop by Mika

The Ketchup Song by Las Ketchup

I know they are really old songs but these three songs are one of the very first English songs you got me listen to. I still have the image of you crazily in love with these songs in my head. You were humming and singing them all day long (or danced).

Thank you for being my best friend and always be by my side whenever I need you. I will do the same for you in the coming days and years. I wish the best for you in 2011.

To, Aeman, Celsy, Dika, Karina, Natasha, Roza & Shahneela

Don’t Stop The Music by Rihanna

I’m not so sure but I think we danced to it at Natasha’s party. It played a very important part in my 2 years in Qatar. That was when I felt accepted and belonged in a group. I didn’t even feel this way back in my home country!

Love Story by Taylor Swift

I’m pretty sure most of you still remember my farewell party and when we were singing and dancing in the dark in my living room! I want to go back to that time! I miss you all!

Make You Mine by Vanessa Hudgens

It was my alarm ringtone in the morning for our Cyprus trip. It was my first ever field trip! Oh, the hot chocolate, condensed milk, wine gum and ‘the chip is good’.

What a shame, despite all these good times, I haven’t really been in touch with every one of you as often as I wanted to. And not forgetting there are still other people, (Atika – Forever by Chris Brown. I enjoyed tutoring you. Nadia, Rizky, Supriya and a few of the guys, I’m sorry that I haven’t had the right songs for you guys yet.)

Nevertheless, good luck in your study and your love life (if you don’t have one, get one!)

To, Anna, Cherie, Fareesha, Hannah, Linda & Monisa

Barbie Girl by Aqua

I bet everyone knows this song! To be honest, I only know about this song last year when my UniCol flatmates were playing truth and dare and one of them was dared to sing it out loud outside the house.

Opps I Did It Again by Britney Spears

Oh this song reminds me of my flat 9! We were making fun of Jeff using this song. I have no idea why and how it started but it was fun! Opps, I did it again!

I hope you all will have a great 2011 even though we are not around each others as often as we used to be. May you all do well in your study!