The best night 2011

So last night was my friends' 21st birthday at a bar. Before that I went to a friend's graduation dinner, had so much, so bloated. Then we stopped by yuki to have some drinks, hot sake and umeshu~ My face was already red after that two drinks.

Got to the bar, not many people there yet so just hang around talking to people. Pressured by two friends to get a drink, raspberry vodka cuiser. Talked a little then I got a free drink from a friend, blue coloured midori sprite I think, not so sure since I wasn't paying for it. Few more talking and meeting people and sipping other people alcoholic drinks, 5 shots in one, melon midori.... I'm trying to recall the sequence of the events since I was a bit out of it...

I think, another friend got me a drink too, tequila sunrise. Omg, it was so strong! I was holding my vodka cuiser on one hand too. LOL. what an alcoholic. I mixed them two together, they actually tasted alright! Then we started dancing, yeah I was tipsy and high so I don't want to write down my opinions here, they can be very wrong from the real situation. Dancing to this guy who is a friend of the birthday girl. She seems very happy that I was dancing with him. Or maybe she was high too. He bought me a drink too, vodka with red bull, it just tasted like red bull.Oh... I think my friend who bought the midori also bought another drink for me, it tasted just like coke so I'm not sure if there was alcohol in it. lol

Went back dancing but then this guy had more friends coming so he gradually disappeared into the dancing crowd. So there was another friend, last night was the second time I met him, so we were dancing together. French kisses happened. Ok, I was definitely drunk. He bought me a bottle of heineken. I couldn't drink anymore coz I felt I was going to puke if I finish the whole bottle. We left to another bar, danced for another one and a half hour maybe and a few more snogging. No phone number was given or obtained which was good coz that's how thing should be.

To conclude the night, it was awesome but now to think about it, what was wrong with me?! Desperate much????? I'm still waiting for the photo.

And again.

An immature love says I love you because I need you, but a mature love says I need you because I love you.

Never thought that the name of my blog reflected who I am without me realizing it. And yet I admit that my love is immature, selfish and all over the place. I always believe that sometimes it is better to be alone, no emotional attachment; no one can hurt me that way. And when I do have someone, I will always make sure I have an out, a exit strategy to make sure I don't get hurt; I walk away before they can walk away from me. 

The hardest thing about growing up is that you have to do what is right for you even if it means breaking someone's heart, including your own.

Today was just one of those days where everything I did reminded me of you and every song I heard somehow related to you. I hate days like today, because they remind me of the one thing I don't have; that one thing I can have but I am too scare to have it. There is nothing scarier than getting what I want, cause that's when I really have something to lose. This is why I rather to have nothing to begin with. 

I hate missing you, but I love having you to miss.

You picked the best time to do this to me

Feeling a bit emo these days, due to a few unpleasant events:

1. My only math paper, I really dislike the lecturer, he reads the material from the textbook in the lectures so I stopped going to the lectures and he makes us do 2 math assignments in a week. *Tortured* 
2. My special third year psyc paper, I am a bit behind since it covers the material which I am still learning in second year paper but I have a 40 multiple choices questions test on this coming Monday which is 25% of my grade. *Brain burst*
3. My another second psyc paper, I have a 12% article review due on this coming Tuesday and I still haven't started reading the article that I'm going to review. *Screwed*
4. My room, it is in a mess, dirty clothes piled up in one corner, clean clothes piled up in another corner, shoes are all over the place and so are my puffy jackets, don't forget all my junk food. *Messed up*
5. My money, I haven't been cooking at home so been eating out, spending all my money on food, money which I should put into my saving account and now I don't even know where I spent it and I started thinking what to buy after I get my pay next week. *Broke*
6. My fat, looking in the mirror, all the flab, I feel so lazy, slow and greasy. Only time I'm happy looking at myself are either looking at my shadow or look in the mirror without my glasses. *Disgusted*
7. My one of the best friends, he decided to keep a distance from me, I have no idea why he did what he did, not sure what will happen to us since I was sort of dependent on him from times to times. *Miserable*
8. My church blending trip, there is one hiking trip this Saturday but due to all of the events above, I refrained myself from going and confining myself in my room to study hard out is going to make me really depressed. *Pathetic*
9. My sleeping habit, I sleeps late at night, wakes up at 7 in the morning to pray over the phone with a friend, goes back to sleep (except Mon & Tue) and wakes up again at 10am and sleeps through most of my lectures and almost doze off in my laboratory. *Hopeless*
10. My social life, to be honest, my social partners are Toshiba laptop, Sony Ericsson mobile phone, Apple iPod nano and my bed. All my friends are either busy, timetable clash, broke or awkward. And to make things worse I forced myself to come up with this 10th event just so it looks prettier, you know, whole number. *What the Fxck*

Sorry for posting such an emo post. I will try to find something happier next time but for now, please bear with me, it's my depressing episode. And it's still winter, the season of highest suicidal rate.